Saturday, March 10th, 2012

It's unfortunate I haven't kept this blog updated, as so much has happened since my last entry. So very, very much. The beginning I suppose is a good start. About the time of my last post, I met someone who would be the one to change my life forever in many a wonderful way. I was still living in the camper, but I had relocated. From the parking lot of Waffle House/Motel 6, to my mom's driveway. She, along with my step-dad, had found a duplex down and around the corner from their first place in Georgetown. I was allowed to park the camper in the driveway [Correction, my father was allowed to; I was simply the inhabitant of the vehicle.], so that I wouldn't have to fight nearly as cold temperatures. In all I not only got to plug into the driveway for a little bit of power [Not that there was magically heat after that], I got to eat with my family most nights and spend some much missed time with them. Most particularly my mom. As far as what was powered by plugging in: Lights, fridge, and my computer. Lights were small and not very bright, fridge was mostly empty except when I was given a two liter of sprite once, and my computer was using an old wifi-adapter in an area where wifi signal was weak and spotty at best. I was still living in the camper with my three kitties, and their food/litter supplies were expectedly diminishing. For heat, my mom had an old 70's or earlier "space heater". Which, while I was thankful for what it COULD offer, was not the greatest. It had plenty of heat, if one was directly above it. Even placed right beside where I slept, my kitties and I still had to huddle tightly under my one blanket, and most nights I still couldn't sleep for the severity of the cold. I would often drape the blanket over the heater, propped up with my arm, before wrapping it tightly again to hold in the warmth. Without this convection, I surely never would have slept at night, or early morning. Usually, I still kept to the stay up at night and move around to keep warm then sleep during morning/daytime when the metal roof of the camper heated up enough to warm the inside. The heater, we presume, was limited in its capabilities because of all the nooks and crannies in the camper that were drafty, and uninsulated. Most of the time, I tried to avoid upsetting my step-dad too much by making it seem like we were more neighbors that occasionally saw each other rather than someone living in his driveway, as he wasn't too happy to have his driveway blocked. Since the internet connection wasn't great I often watched VHS tapes of Disney movies [*cough* Beauty and the Beast *cough*] on repeat, that I snuck in and out of my mom's house while they were sleeping. Barring that, I texted on the phone that was, at that point, being paid for by two friends to help me keep in touch with them and my family. Yet another thing I was eternally thankful for.

It was during this time, that my dad got a steady job again as an owner/operator at that [Truck driving for those unawares], and was able to give me the occasional ride up to Waffle House; Which still largely felt like home to me. Factoring in that I had spent several months sitting at and helping out at this Waffle House, for upwards of 18 hours at a time even, it shouldn't come as a surprise. On one such particular night, in my pajamas as usual [Again, this place was more home to me than anything else, let alone a "restaurant". Besides, it's Waffle House third shift. No one there cares. xD], I sat against the front windows in the table that was wider than all the others. [Wider across that is, so the table size was roomier for playing card games. :D] Chatting with my favourite waitress about how nicely she was showing [Then, she was pregnant. She gave birth to the beautiful Dreama Elen Peace Keith on Leap Day of this year], another regular came in. One I find rather creepy if I'm honest, but mostly just the way he is. Not so much about what he does or says. He sat at the smoking section bar, across from my dad and began to carry on a conversation with him. That's usual for them though, they always chat with each other. A short while later, while playing away at a new game of Solitaire my mom'd taught me [According to her it was the version my Grandmother loved best... No wonder I was obsessed with it!], another man came in. I recognized him as a regular, usually ordered a coffee and an All-Star and kept to himself. He sat next to the regular talking to my dad briefly, then turned to look at me and said, "I'm gonna come sit over here with you". It seemed he didn't want to sit next to the other regular after all. I gestured that it was okay for him to move, since I never mind who sits with me, whether I know them or not, and small talk began. We chatted about things as any two regulars would, and then some. Turns out he had just bought a house in Winchester, KY of course, closer to work, and he was only stopping in at Waffle House for something to eat after work before hauling more things from the RV he had been living in, in Georgetown, to his new home in Winchester. He even had his kitty in the car waiting. Well, one talk led to another, which led to another, which turned into an entire evening right up until early morning just shy of shift change. We parted as friends, a very fond friendship at that from my end at least. The next night, we both ended up at Waffle House again during the third shift, and I won't lie and say I didn't ask to go just to see him on the off chance he too showed up. I even sink-sponge-bathed in my mom's downstairs bathroom and sink-washed my hair before throwing on deodorant and the cleanest clothes I could find. I was happy to have someone new to talk to, who actually shared a mindset and set of interests parallel to my own. I could talk to him for ages, and not feel tired of it. That night, we talked even more if that were possible, given he actually HAD to leave early so he could get a little sleep before work. After I'd gone home to my camper, I texted my favourite waitress [Yes the preggo one, at the time anyway] and asked her if she could do me a favor and ask HIM [She had his number] to text me if he would like to. She ended up actually asking HIM that I asked for his number, but oh well. How doesn't matter as much as what: We began texting. He would text me when he woke up, and during lunch, and right after work, and right up until he was borderline falling asleep. I found every chance I could to check my messages to see if he'd texted, though I was absolutely certain the feelings I was developing for him weren't reciprocated. I pondered the age difference, the lifestyle difference, and so on. I wasn't prepared for how much I liked him, which reared itself when I found out there was a video of him on youtube [Search on youtube "alien vs bull". Do it. Mechanical bull, bald head. That's him. xD].

Needless to say, things weren't as one sided as I believed. One night that we were able to meet back up again at Waffle House, about a week later if that long, I ended up going with him to his place. Saved my dad gas, since he promised to take me back to my camper the next day, and he was willing to give me the bedroom and he would sleep in the living room. We watched movies, and it was surprising how comfortable I was with him. When he took my hand, I couldn't believe how rough his hands were. It was a strange sensation, as much of being around him was. I'd never felt anything like what I was feeling. Even with my exes, I'd never trusted them so explicitly. Though, because of our age difference, I was a little hesitant to label us, let alone publicly. I wasn't sure how my family would take the age difference. Granted, my parents are 10 years apart. But there's 7 more years between this man and myself than even that. He's only a few years younger than my mom, AND he's actually older than my step-dad. On November 1st, or that week at least, he asked me if I wanted to spend the rest of the week at his house, since the weather was about to take another severely cold dip. I asked my mom and dad both if either could check on my cats while I was gone; My mom said no, and my dad changed his mind TO no when he asked if it was to go stay with "that man". My dad was very against me being around Jonathon, let alone WITH him. [That's his name, btw. Jonathon David Gaw, age 38. Born November 12th, 1973] I voiced these concerns with Jon, telling him I'd really like the quality time with him, and in warmth, but I couldn't leave my kitties knowing they wouldn't have even fresh water or food. He said enthusiastically to "Bring them with you!", saying "I love cats!". How perfect? After my usual "Are you sure?", that night after work he came and picked us up, getting to see my living quarters in the mean time. Quite small, and I think smaller than even he expected.

A quick aside here, it should be mentioned that I was offered a chance at visiting his home sooner; But because it was dark and rainy, I declined. Being in cars still gave me severe anxiety, and with someone I literally didn't know it was difficult to agree to. I ended up sucking it up the night I did go to his house, even though it was still dark and rainy. But he drove a VERY long way to his house, just so he would stay on side/back/country roads, to make ME more comfortable. And he stayed at a very low speed, talking to me the whole way. He was such a gentleman, and remains so today; Opening doors for me, going the extra mile to make me comfortable, etc etc.

Anyway, The first week of November is when I came here "For the week". It's now March 10th or so [I can't see the clock to see if it's technically the 11th yet or not], and I haven't left since. For Thanksgiving, we went up to Indiana to visit his family. Several hour long drive, for those unaware of the distance from Central KY to Indiana, and going 70+ at points. There, I met his family.
His mother, Virginia; And his step-father Randy.
His brother, Nathan; And Nathan's wife and daughter: Susan and Allison, respectively.
His step-sister, Robyn; And Robyn's husband and children: Greg, Iain, Alex, and Kaelyn.
As well as his daughter, Shayna, and his autistic son, Joseph.
I eventually also got to meet his father, Jim.

We've since been to Indiana and back several times, and we spent Christmas with my family. He even got in the action and played twister several times, of which there are SEVERAL hilarious videos on facebook that I would be more than happy to show you if you are interested. Just e-mail me, and I'll link them to you. They're pretty much amazing.

We have also designed our "dream home", which is what renovations we are doing to this home here in Winchester. He's absolutely amazing. So much about is just perfectly different, and perfectly alike. We've spent one night apart since we got together, and that was here recently, when I babysat my sisters and spent the night to do so. It was difficult for both of us to sleep, surprising the hell out of me.

With such perfection, however, comes a fairly hefty price. But all things must balance, right?

Being the age he is, and not wanting "to be 60" when his children are 18, [Given his kids are 14 and 13, it won't happen unless he has more], he doesn't want kids. Anyone that knows me knows my feelings on that. It's all I've ever wanted. But I'm caught now between either having children, and not having him, or vice versa. It's quite the difficult thought. I can't imagine being in life without him, let alone raising kids without him. For now, only time can tell. Either he will change his mind to want them, or I will change mine and stop wanting them. For now, I'm choosing to give up having kids, because it's what he wants. I want him to be happy, and after all; Shouldn't I be happy too? If being with him is what makes me happy, I should do whatever it takes for us BOTH to be happy.

Anyway, if I keep on that point I'll be rambling all night. You should be mostly caught up now! And hopefully I will remember to update a little more often, so I don't write a book of an entry. Sorry about that everyone!


As far as life lessons for this post: Be ever thankful for the gifts that happen to you. In this case, I'm thankful for being homeless and staying in the motel/camper/Waffle House so much. It was hell at the time, but had I never been there I would never have met Jonathon and I would never be as happy as I am now. And how happy is that? Let's just say the current weight lost is 68-69 pounds. Yes. Really.