Friday, September 30, 2011

September 30th, 2011 [[3]]



Okay, I don't know yet if I'll be able to post another before I have to leave the room.

I've heard from my dad, and he's on his way to drop the load he currently has attached. Then, he has to pick up another one; IF they have one ready for him.
So the way it looks now, I'm going to have to move into the camper anyway. Even if he pays today, it's likely not going to be before the 11am deadline I was given. Maybe an hour or two past, maybe not until this evening, who knows. All I know is a so-called 'friend' of my dad's is forcing me to haul my belongings, alone, into a camper. If I had no camper, I'd be hauling it into the street, and Himanshu wouldn't even care. Considering it's raining right now, that says a lot.

Besides that, the camper has no electricity, which means no communications once my phone dies, and no food. No running water, no way to eat, no way to call for help if I were to need to and no one was around.
This is going to be a fun night.

Life lesson:
In Life, you can trust no one. 
- Friends that say they will help rarely do; The ones that would can't always be there to help.
- Most people are concerned only with their own welfare, and would steal food from your plate if they were hungry. If you had stolen the food from somewhere else just to eat, they would also let you pay for the crime, while they reaped the rewards.
- The only person most would trust is themselves, but you can't even do that.

Why?
Because YOU are the one that trusted all those people before, and allowed yourself to be injured.
So any pain you receive from trusting your trust in others is what you are due.

September 30th, 2011 [[2]]



I'll be updating this as I go along this morning, putting things in the camper. 
Since I know the likelihood of getting online after 11:00am today is slim-to-none, unless a miracle comes through and we find $130 falling from the sky, I'll just put as many blogs up as I can before that happens. Besides; While I could, in theory, walk to the library and get online there, the round trip walking time is longer than the time allotment on the computer. So it's hardly worth it, especially when one considers the inactivity of my account from being too far away to turn books and movies in. 


Had my coffee this morning with Shaina and the Red-haired long-termer in 252. Saw Jim of course, and two of the kids [Zach and Samantha?], along with a handful of people I've not seen before. Besides the Newspaper guy. [Nooz paypahhh?]


Now comes the fun part of finding the non-necessary things and gathering them up into as few loads as possible. TK's attitude this morning towards me doesn't help my mood or anxiety, but there isn't much I can do about the way people think of me. Figures though, that the people that called themselves 'friends' with my dad are willing to give us a slight discount on our rooms, but aren't willing to give us logical time to get the money TO them. 

Lesson for Life prevalent in this blog:
In Life, there are two kinds of people.

- Those that make friends for money
- And those that make money for friends

September 30th, 2011



 As I'm sitting here at 4:22am, it occurred to me;
If Karma is such a pain, why is it easier to deal with than Life itself?

Life is the one that throws the curveballs at you, not Karma. Karma just makes sure when you strike out you get another shot somehow. Or, if you pitch too hard and hit the batter in the face, Karma is there to make sure you get hit in the face 3x as hard, so you won't do it again.
Karma is the teacher. Life is... well, Life. The lesson. 
So, "don't hate the player, hate the game" should apply, right? "Don't hate the teacher, hate the lesson"?


I don't know. I'm not entirely awake right now. I've been up since 3:00am-ish, true, but I'm not awake. 
I'm just wallowing in anxiety while I watch the clock tick the seconds away of my freedom. 
Never thought I'd consider single-room confinement freedom, but this single-room is about to hit a wall and throw me off into a single... bench, really. Not gonna be much room in that camper once all my things, my 3 cats, and myself are in it.



C'est la vie, I suppose. 
Sucks, but here we go! 

Thursday, September 29, 2011

September 29th, 2011



A day of no rest, really. I snagged a couple of hours of sleep right up until around 1:00am-1:30am this morning, at which point I went down to the front lobby. [I've been staying in a motel since Early July of this year]
I had every intention of not staying long, simply saying hello and being back on my merry way to dreamland. The only real reason I went downstairs was because I had the most strange dream, which involved death of something living; Then awoke to a missed call from my dad, who is on the road trucking, and a voicemail from him that would have been the most awful "final message" if anything had happened to him while I was sleeping away. So, positive my Desk-Clerk friend Shaina could help alleviate some of the anxiety I was having and keep me from breaking down again, I went downstairs.
Needless to say, Shaina being Shaina, and me being me, we talked. A lot. I had a brief interlude while she was talking to the guy "Castle", when I used the excuse of having to pee [I really DID, though my main reason for taking a moment away was to check my facebook... Shameless, I know.] to return to my room for about 10 minutes. During that time I used the bathroom, cooked some ramen as I was practically starved this morning, and checked my facebook. I took my ramen back downstairs, and there I stayed until roughly quarter 'til 7:00am.
I came upstairs and laid down, positive I could sneak in at least two hours of sleep before the inevitable knock of housekeeping.
No such luck, of course. Around 8:00am I got a call from TK at the front desk saying he had talked to his manager and was told I had until 4:00pm to pay or I had to check out, and that I owed for 3 nights. Frantically, I texted my dad to see if he had a load yet or not. He finally texted back a while later and said he had one at 1:00pm, and that he would call me when he picked it up. Of course, I got no sleep after that. No amount of meditation, or mind-chasing got rid of the anxiety. So I sat online a while, relaxing until I thought housekeeping would arrive. Knock on my door around 11:00am-ish, and it's housekeeping. Asking if I was checking out today, and I said no [I had no intention of doing so, anyway] as I usually did. She then asked if I needed my floor mopped and such, and I said yes. Changing my one set of bedsheets, and sweeping/mopping is all I let her do. I loathe letting her in anyway, as she does a horrendous job on what she does clean, and her son makes my bed and room smell like BO when he changes my sheets. I mean, I have OCD and Anxiety man. I can't be having people coming all up in my room and touching stuff, and making it stink!!
*ahem*
Anyway. It was around 2:00pm probably when Sam, my favourite friend/waitress at Waffle House, called me and asked if I wanted to hang out. I asked if she meant in my room, thinking of how tethered I was to the room until I heard from my dad, and luckily she said yes. So we hung out in my room. Talked a bit, played with my cats, you know. Other Sam-and-I stuff. While she was here, we listened to some mind-blowing dubstep and D&B Beatbox, and my dad finally called. Close to 3:00pm-ish.
She had to leave a while later, so I walked over to Waffle House with her and waited until her Grandmother showed up. As Sam left with her box of deer meat, I went to the motel lobby and got my key card fixed by Claudia, telling her I just needed it long enough to carry all my things from in the motel room downstairs and outside into the camper.
She didn't like it, but at this point there isn't much we can do about it.
We don't have the money, and aren't all that likely to get the money before the 11:00am tomorrow morning deadline the manager, Himanshu, has given us.
Anyway, that's the gist of it I believe.
Life is once again spiraling out of my control, and there isn't a thing I can do about it until I strike a lucky break. And as involved as this entry was? You best believe it hasn't even touched on what I'm feeling.
This was just a day in my Life... Timeline-style.